she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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