Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
