I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize