Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
