i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
