I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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