i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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