His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize