I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
