This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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