Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
