Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
