My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
