I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
