You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
