i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
