...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's always time for handjobs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
