Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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