Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there's paper in my vomit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Randomize
