yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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