Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
