Yo dont text me then not text me
In America we eat man semen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
