My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
