I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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