Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
