If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
