Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
