i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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