Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
