I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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