we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize