while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
