Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize