Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
