He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
