You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
