we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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