I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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