you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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