she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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