His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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