I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
