no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize