we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he puts the penis in happiness.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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