I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
