The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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