There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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