I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
