Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
