She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
