I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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