Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
