pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
