After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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