3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
