my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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