My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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