I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
