whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
