You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
