You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
