i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
