I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
