I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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