is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
