____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
