if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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