she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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