sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
