we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
