So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize