hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
