He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
