ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
