i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
